10-Minute Escarole, White Bean, and Parmesan Soup & (Not) The Smartest Phone

Oct 16, 2012

I don’t talk on the phone while driving (nor do I text, but that should be a given, right?).

However, I find the hands-free option that comes with my cheap phone very useful while my fingers are caked with cream and espresso from the tiramisu I made this weekend (recipe to come!).  My phone is not a smart one. I have – at best -a remedial phone.  My phone is in the bottom of her class, barely able to hold it together in her shiny, red dented case.  The screen is difficult to use, the texting laborious.  But the kicker is the voice-activated feature.  Siri might be made in China but mine is made on Mars.

Me, trying to phone my younger brother: Call Jon.

Phone: Did you say Donna?

Me: No. Call Jon.

Phone: Did you say Juan?

I don’t know Juan.  It gets worse because now I’ve done this enough that when I want to call Tania on her new phone I don’t say “Tania-new” as it is listed in my address file.  I don’t “Yamala” because that’s dials “Tim” or “Bill’s Pizza.”  To get Tania I say  “Dan-YAN-new.”  When I want to reach Jon I say “Jew-wanna.” When I need to call “Caroline” I can’t because it will call “Jerome K” who is a professor of religion who helped with book research. If I need home? Just say “Tova.” If I want Tova? Just say “Moam.”

Really, I am getting smarter because I AM LEARNING ANOTHER LANGUAGE!  Every person and number has an alter-ego.  Josh Weiss meet Yoshie Mayes.  The good news? If I put on a deep Northern English accent and ask for “Moouum” I get my mother on the line. And after all, sometimes that’s all you need.*


*Sometimes, you need your brother, and this is problematic because when I finally reach him I wind up calling my brother Jewanna instead of Jon.  And if it’s his cell number, Jewantosellme.  Luckily, he is so sleep-deprived with little kids that he doesn’t mind.  Thanks, Jewanna!

10 Minute Escarole, White Bean, and Parmesan Soup

Light and hearty, alone or with bread or even as a pasta sauce, this quick soup is inexpensive and delicious.

1 large head escarole

1/4 cup olive oil

3 cloves garlic, crushed

4 cups vegetable broth

salt and pepper to taste

scant 1 cup parmesan cheese shredded

11-12 oz cannelini beans - canned should be washed and drained, fresh prepped in advance until soft

Wash escarole well and roughly chop. Leave to drain. Heat oil in large pot. Add garlic. Let sizzle. Add escarole, stirring to wilt. Add broth. Add salt and pepper. Add cheese and beans. Stir. Cover and let simmer 6-8 minutes until steaming hot. Cheese will be melted. Stir well and serve over crusty bread or as is. Then call Marizpan. I mean Maryanne. Did you say Mesopotamia?


  1. Maxine
    October 16, 2012

    In tears laughing …this is hilerious!


  2. Jew-wanna
    October 17, 2012


  3. Celia
    October 17, 2012

    That looks delicious! And healthy too! It’s taken Siri a while, but she and I are now on good speaking terms.. 🙂