4-yr-old: Do you have any gum?
Me: No. Ask Daddy.
[4-yo goes upstairs, comes back down]: Daddy’s in the shower. he says i can have gum when he gets out.
[4-yr-old considers something]: Can I sleep with gum?
Me: that wouldn’t be a good idea. It could get stuck in your hair or make you choke.
4-yr-old: But can I get IN my bed with gum?
Me: I suppose. Why?
4-year-old: Because what I want to do is get some gum and then go in my bed and chew gum and play with my penis.
Me: Sounds like you have a plan.
[4-year-old leaves, I proceed with my plan, which is to make a tart]